What It Means to Be an Adult Child of the ‘Emotional Parent’
Also see my Trauma/ Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents page.
Do you ever feel like your emotions are "too much" or like you're constantly taking care of others emotionally, even when you're the one who needs support? If so, you might relate to the experience of being an adult child of an emotionally immature parent.
In this post, we’ll explore the concept of the emotional parent, one of the four subtypes outlined in Lindsay Gibson’s influential book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (ACOEIP). These subtypes—emotional, passive, driven, and rejecting—help us better understand how unmet emotional needs in childhood shape us well into adulthood. We’ll take a closer look at the emotional parent and how this dynamic can leave lasting psychological imprints that many people work to untangle in therapy.
What Is an Emotional Parent?
Emotional parents are often reactive, overwhelmed by their own feelings, and lack emotional regulation. They may lash out, withdraw, or shift moods rapidly. Their children learn quickly that their parent’s emotional world always takes center stage.
Rather than providing stability or guidance, the emotional parent may:
Require emotional caretaking from their child
Struggle to handle stress or disappointment
Become easily dysregulated, anxious, or needy
Misread their child’s needs or make things about themselves
As a child, this can feel like walking on eggshells. You may have learned to manage your own emotions silently or suppress them entirely in order to keep the peace. You might have taken on the role of "emotional support person" to a parent who couldn’t handle their own distress.
The Impact on the Adult Child
Years later, these early relational dynamics often show up in how we relate to ourselves and others. Adult children of emotional parents may struggle with:
People-pleasing and codependency
Anxiety in relationships or fear of abandonment
Difficulty identifying or expressing their own emotions
Emotional burnout from constantly attending to others
Guilt or self-doubt when setting boundaries
Perfectionism and the belief they must be "easy to love"
Because they grew up in a household where their emotional needs weren’t consistently met or acknowledged, these individuals often internalize the belief that they must suppress their needs to be accepted.
"You can't go back and change the past, but you can learn how to protect your sense of self now."
—Lindsay Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
How Therapy Helps Unwind These Patterns
Therapy offers a safe space to identify and explore these long-held patterns. In many cases, this includes:
Recognizing adaptive strategies from childhood (like people-pleasing or caretaking) that no longer serve you
Exploring unexpressed grief or anger toward a parent who could not meet your emotional needs
Strengthening emotional boundaries and developing language to name your feelings
Building self-trust and the ability to prioritize your needs without guilt
Reclaiming your emotional life so that it doesn’t revolve around managing others
In my Philadelphia therapy practice, I work with adults who are unpacking these dynamics using a combination of psychodynamic theory, IFS, and mindfulness-based approaches. Clients often begin to see their past not with blame, but with clarity—a clarity that allows for meaningful change in how they relate to themselves and others.
Moving Forward
Understanding the role of the emotional parent is often a turning point. It sheds light on long-standing issues like relationship anxiety, chronic guilt, or emotional exhaustion. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you’re not "too sensitive."
Therapy can help you reclaim your emotional life and begin relating to others from a place of authenticity and inner calm, rather than inherited emotional roles.
Schedule a free consultation to learn more about how therapy might help identify and address the challenges of growing up with an emotionally immature parent.
Matt Sosnowsky, LCSW, MSW, MAPP is the founder and director of Philadelphia Talk Therapy. For over a decade, Mr. Sosnowsky has provided psychotherapy services in agency and private practice settings, helping individuals overcome mental health challenges, manage life transitions, and find passion & meaning in life.
