Understanding the ‘Passive Parent’: A Deeper Look for Adult Children
Also see my Trauma/ Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents page.
In Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, psychologist Lindsay Gibson outlines four core subtypes of emotionally immature caregivers: the emotional, the driven, the passive, and the rejecting parent. Each of these subtypes leaves a distinct psychological imprint on their children, often showing up in adulthood as struggles with boundaries, self-worth, or emotional regulation.
This post focuses on the passive parent. While their presence might not have been overtly hurtful, their consistent absence—emotional or otherwise—can have lasting effects. Understanding this pattern is often a pivotal part of therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents.
What Is a Passive Parent?
The passive parent tends to avoid conflict, decision-making, or emotional engagement. They may appear agreeable, quiet, or overly accommodating. Rather than providing structure or protection, they allow circumstances—or more dominant family members—to shape the emotional tone of the home.
In childhood, this might look like:
A parent who defers all parenting decisions to their partner.
Someone who "checks out" emotionally or distracts themselves with hobbies, work, or media.
A parent who fails to stand up for their child during moments of emotional or physical harm.
This type of parenting can sometimes resemble a laissez-faire style: gentle, non-controlling, but ultimately disengaged. As Gibson writes, passive parents often *"know that something is wrong in the family but lack the courage or initiative to take a stand."
What It Feels Like for the Child
Children of passive parents often carry an internalized sense of loneliness or abandonment, even if their physical needs were met. They may not have experienced outright rejection or criticism, but they lacked a sense of being protected, prioritized, or emotionally attuned to.
These children may struggle with:
Anxiety and hypervigilance in relationships
Difficulty trusting others to "show up"
Perfectionism and people-pleasing
Low self-worth or emotional invisibility
A deep yearning to be seen or validated
Because passive parents often failed to intervene during key moments of childhood distress, many adult children grow up believing they have to handle everything themselves.
“Emotionally immature parents are not intentionally neglectful or cruel; they simply lack the emotional capacity to truly see and respond to their children’s inner lives.”
—Lindsay Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
How It Shows Up in Adulthood
As adults, children of passive parents may:
Over-function in relationships, carrying more than their fair share
Suppress their own needs to avoid conflict or "rocking the boat"
Struggle to ask for help or set boundaries
Feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners or friends
Therapy often reveals a pattern: these individuals were never taught that their feelings mattered. Instead, they learned to minimize their emotions to maintain family harmony or avoid burdening others.
The Role of Therapy
Working with a therapist can help unpack the impact of having a passive parent—especially when the harm wasn't overt or dramatic. Clients may wrestle with guilt or confusion, unsure why they feel resentful toward a parent who "did their best" or "never hurt anyone."
In therapy, we work to:
Validate the emotional reality of growing up with passive parenting
Identify the coping strategies (like overfunctioning or emotional numbing) that developed in response
Learn to identify, express, and prioritize one’s own needs and boundaries
Rebuild a stronger internal sense of self, untethered from the fear of disapproval or invisibility
This work often involves exploring the adaptive child parts of ourselves—patterns that once kept us safe, but now keep us stuck. You can read more about this concept in our blog post on the adaptive child and wise adult.
Reclaiming Your Emotional Space
Many successful, high-functioning adults quietly carry the weight of having had emotionally immature or absent parents. At Philadelphia Talk Therapy, we support adults navigating the impact of childhood experiences on their current relationships and emotional lives. Whether you're struggling with boundaries, burnout, or the lingering effects of passive parenting, therapy can help you reclaim your emotional space and begin to write a new story.
If any of this resonates, therapy might be a helpful next step. You can schedule a consultation to begin exploring these themes in a supportive, thoughtful space.
For more on this topic, read our post on adult children of emotionally immature parents.
Matt Sosnowsky, LCSW, MSW, MAPP is the founder and director of Philadelphia Talk Therapy. For over a decade, Mr. Sosnowsky has provided psychotherapy services in agency and private practice settings, helping individuals overcome mental health challenges, manage life transitions, and find passion & meaning in life.
